mom to two: 10 months in

I know. I suck at consistent blogging. Sorry about that. I swear I am trying to improve.

That being said, my baby will turn ten months old in 4 days. The last time I blogged about parenting, she was three months old. It's been a bit of a whirlwind.

And every time I think I have it all under control, the baby hits a new milestone and needs more supervision. Or I register the toddler for another activity. Or we undergo a week of sleepless nights. And all those half-written blog posts remain in limbo, waiting for their story to be told.

a tale of two births: part II

read part I first!
and be forewarned: part II is even more detailed and lengthy than part I (probably because it's fresher in my mind)!

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Our little bug also arrived late.

9 days late.

Again I drove myself crazy by expecting to go into labour early. Or at least on time. Surely I deserved to deliver around my due date the second time around, right?

a tale of two births: part I

As I prepared for the birth of our second child, it occurred to me that I had yet to record the story of the birth of our first child. So before the two experiences got muddled in my head, I thought I would sit down to record what I remember. Well I didn't get very far and now our second baby girl has arrived and I really feel the need to record my memories of their arrivals before they fade even more.

If you're not into detailed birth stories, this post probably isn't for you...

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frazzled

As I finally sat down to blog again, for the first time in about 3 months, I was trying to think of how to summarize these last few months of my life. I can think of so many delightful moments. So many hilarious, laugh-out-loud moments. So many sweet, yummy, cuddly moments. But mostly, when I think about my first three months as a mama to two beautiful girls? If I'm really honest?

Frazzled.

from one to two

My heart is breaking for my baby girl.

Not the new baby girl that I brought into the world nearly 3 weeks ago, but my first baby girl. The one who was the centre of our lives until another one suddenly arrived to share it.

My Bean is such a sweet, fun-loving, easy and careful little girl. But these past few weeks have been tough for her. She is acting out in ways she never has before, and testing limits constantly.

To be honest, I thought the transition to two would go rather smoothly. I knew I would be sleep-deprived and that the beginning weeks would be a little tough. But I didn't expect the Bean to be having such a hard time. She loves babies. Has been excited every time she saw one for the past few months. And she is generally a helpful and very compliant child.

But the little girl I've been loving so hard this week is a much different child. This child has moments of belligerence. She doesn't want to go to sleep at night and screams for her mama. She deliberately disobeys me, especially if it's asking her not to touch the baby.

And my heart is breaking because I'm worried I'm losing some of my sweet little girl.

My heart hurts because I know she's not acting out on purpose. She's just trying to cope with this big change in her little life.

I'm worried that I don't know how to love both of my sweet girls enough. That I don't know how to care for two little people who so desperately need me. At the same time.

These first few weeks have been full of tough, but also many amazing moments.

It's been tough because the Doctor didn't take his week of paternity leave right away. This was our choice. He gets seven days off and since my mom was here for the first week to help out, it made sense that hubby would take the following week instead of overlapping with my mom. But he was on call three times the first week and we really didn't see very much of him at all. He is useless at night because he's so tired. And I let him sleep because he has to work in the morning.

So I'm tired. And emotional. And I miss my team mate.

And I was little sad that he missed the first week of newness with the Bug.

Adjusting to two babies is not an easy thing. And having to share her Mama is hard for my 22 month old. So I'm doing my best. I'm trying to give the Bean as much attention and words of encouragement as I can. I'm trying to include her as a 'big helper' whenever possible. And at the same time, I'm trying to savour these first days with my new baby. To take care of her needs and hold her as much as possible.

I'm savouring the moments when my Bean spontaneously comes up and kisses her baby sister on the head. When she runs over with concern at the baby crying and says 'Aww baby'. Or looks at me and says 'I love you' for no reason. Moments of sweetness that I hope will only multiply.

I know that things will get easier with time, as we all adjust to our new family dynamic.

But right now I'm praying for strength to make it through each day...

moment of sweetness

our new arrival

Well, if you're wondering why it's been so quiet over here, it's not because I don't have anything to say. It's just that I don't have any time to type it out!

Two and a half weeks ago, we welcomed our second baby girl into the world. Her birth story will follow (as soon as I have time to finish it), but here she is for now:

Welcome to the world little bug!

Born June 9th, 2012

8lbs 7oz

i want my mom

This week has been a bit of a tough one.

I'm just about 34 weeks pregnant and have started nesting like a madwoman. My house never seems to be clean enough or organized enough. We are in the middle of getting a 'big girl' room ready for the Bean, and nothing seems to be happening quickly enough for me.

The Doctor just had 5 days off over Easter and so we got the Bean's new room painted (twice, since we didn't like the first colour). Her 'big girl' bed and dresser arrived and the hubby put those together. the mattress is on the bed, sheets are washed and ready to go.

And still I panic.

I want everything done now. I want the shelves to be hung, the toy box to be built, the little details finished. I want the Bean to be transitioned into her new room, well before her sibling arrives to take over her current space.

Oh I realize that none of this matters. Really. The baby could arrive tomorrow (please don't) and we'd be "fine".

But I am still freaking out.

The Doctor is working on a big presentation that he has to give at grand rounds next week, and so I am trying to get as much (okay, everything) done without him. The Bean is of course trying to be "helpful" and so every task seems to take nine times as long as it should.

And all this unnecessary stressing makes me want my mom.

I lay in bed last night after an exhausting day of getting lots done, yet feeling as though nothing got done (my to-do list obviously over-ambitious) and I cried. Hubby asked me what was wrong and like a 5-year old, I blurted "I miss my mom".

I'll blame it on my hormones. Because I can.

You see, my mom is amazing. She is like a cross between Mike Holmes and Debbie Travis. If she were here, the Bean's room would be done. The shelves that I don't know how to hang would be up on the wall. The toy box that I will not attempt to put together on my own would now be built. My floors would be washed. She would confirm my wall decor choices.

And I would be calm.

Because my mom is a get-er-done kind of woman. I on the other hand, am a terrible self-motivator and tend to get overwhelmed when looking at my long list of things to accomplish. But I know if my mom was here she'd say "let's get this done" and we would.

It is (hormonal) times like these that I am reminded yet again that living so far away from your family sucks. In all honesty, it is not only my mom that I miss. Not only her that I want near me. I have a whole slew of talented and hard working family members that would be here in an instant if we lived close and I were to call them up and ask.

So for now, I'm trying to be patient. I'm waiting until after next Wednesday, when the Doctor will be finished his presentation. And then I have a rather large honey-do list for him.

And I'm going to visit my family. This weekend the Bean and I will take what is probably the last flight just the two of us, and spend four days with my mom and dad and sister. While nothing will be accomplished to help prepare for this baby, I know that just being with my mom and talking things through will help.

And hopefully, when I return home I'll be calmer and less stressed about what needs to get done.

But I'll still miss my mom.

me and my momma
february 2012

we're expanding!

So I guess it’s time to tell you the real reason it’s been so quiet around here for the past three months. The truth is, the doctor and I are adding to our family! We are anticipating that our newest addition will be joining us somewhere around the end of May.

Of course, we’re very excited, especially now that I’ve entered the 2^nd trimester and everything is starting to feel more real (or believable anyway). Our first baby, the Bean, is now 15 months old and doesn’t really understand yet what’s going on (okay, she has absolutely no clue), but she is being very sweet, giving my tummy kisses and has learned how to say “ba-bee” quite clearly.

So that’s our exciting news. You can probably expect to find more pregnancy related posts for the time being…. just as soon as I figure out where I put all my energy….