That being said, my baby will turn ten months old in 4 days. The last time I blogged about parenting, she was three months old. It's been a bit of a whirlwind.
And every time I think I have it all under control, the baby hits a new milestone and needs more supervision. Or I register the toddler for another activity. Or we undergo a week of sleepless nights. And all those half-written blog posts remain in limbo, waiting for their story to be told.
Now all that being said, I aaalmost forget what it's like not to have two kids. Almost. Because the Bean and the Bug are the substance of my life. I sometimes catch myself wondering what on earth I did before they entered our life, and did it even matter? Do I remember (and long for) sleeping through the night and when 'sleeping in' meant waking up at 10 or 11am (not 8am)? Yes. Do I remember late night and all-day Saturday marathons of ER episodes with my hubby? Yes. Do I remember when vacations were more like adventures, with little planning and much less packing? Yes. I do remember.
What I mean is that my two precious babies are so much a part of my life, are so much the centre of who I am, that I often forget what I did on a daily basis before I had them.
My life is busy. I am constantly doing fifteen things at once. We have an activity or playdate to go to 5 or 6 mornings a week (oddly enough, this keeps me sane), and it is very rare that I have a quiet hour to myself. Hence the lack of blogging. I rarely find the time during the days to sit down at the computer to type, and when evenings roll around and the little ones are finally asleep, and the dishes are finally done, and the toys are all picked up, I just don't have the energy or mental capacity to write anything coherent (did I mention my hubby is useless around the house?). Maybe my posts would be more entertaining if I did blog in the evening. ha.
Our Bean most definitely doesn't remember life before her little sister entered it. She has adjusted to her new sibling amazingly, with so much love and as much understanding as a two-year old can muster. Sharing her mama has become easier for her to do, especially as the Bug gains more independence and can interact with us more.
There are still moments. Moments when I leave the room for twenty seconds and hear giggling, followed by "M__ is a horse!". And when I dash back into the room, the big one is sitting on the little one. Luckily they are both smiling. Moments when my toddler gets frustrated with this baby who can't communicate as effectively as she would like her to, so she uses brute force to move her out of the way or make her do what she wants.
But. There are also moments like this:
and this:
Moments where I catch a glimpse of my daughters' future relationship. Moments where the love and the joy shared between them is so evident that I tear up (the lack of sleep likely has nothing to do with my hyper-active tear ducts).
I love being a mama to two. It's hard. It's incredibly busy. It's incredibly rewarding.
And at ten months in, the hardest part is getting easier.
The hardest part: being everything they need, to both children simultaneously. The hardest part is providing the undivided attention my child craves, without feeling guilty about ignoring the other one.
We don't have any family close by. So there isn't a grandmother, or an aunt, or an uncle here to take one baby off my hands and give them some one-on-one while I do the same with the other. And the Doctor is so unbelievably busy all the time, that even he isn't much help in this department.
So a large part of these past seven months has been about me learning to share myself with two little girls instead of just one. It's been about learning to let go of the guilt. About learning to know when someone can wait a few more minutes for what they need, and when they can't. It is still a juggling act, but I am becoming pretty adept at keeping all the balls in the air at once. I am also a master at distraction and redirection.
At ten months into my being a mama to two, I am still figuring out motherhood. It is getting easier. And sometimes it's harder. But it's always worth it.
Bug (almost) 10 months old Bean: 2 years, 7 months old
