You probably know by now that residency is hard for me (and I'm not the one who is a resident.)
So maybe people don't know what to say when I complain (again) about residency.
And they try to cheer me up (?) by suggesting that it is only five years long. Only five years and then the hard part will be done. Only five years and then the living is easy.
Residency is only five years long.
But I just can't get behind the "yeah, your life sucks, but it's only five years of it". Five months, maybe. One year, maybe.
But five years is not an insignificant amount of time. It's a sizeable chunk. Granted, it's not a lifetime, and I realize that we will get through this and it won't seem so bad on the other side. But when you are in the middle of those only five years, it's not an unsubstantial portion of time.
Because already it has been only four years of undergrad. And only a two year Masters. And only four years of Medical school. So these five years of residency?
There is no only.
The only only that exists is when it comes to our babies. They will only be babies once. We will only have these formative years to do one time. The baby that I gave birth to at the beginning of these five years will be ready to start school by the end. And our second baby won't be far behind her. I understand that our girls probably won't remember too much about these five years of residency. They are too little, and many of their memories will come from photos that are taken, not from remembered experiences.
But there is a prevailing attitude in medicine that I just can't get behind. It is this mentality that working your butt off and never getting to see your family is ok, because it's only five years and your kids won't remember anyway. I get it. Once those five years are behind you, it's probably difficult to remember exactly how you felt when you were trying to make it through them.
Our babies may not remember many details of these years. But I firmly believe that these first few years of their lives are incredibly important when it comes to bonding and will set the stage for their future relationships with us. They may not remember exactly how much time their dad spent with them. But they will remember if they felt close to him. If he was invested in them. If he was around enough to be a stable and vital part of their lives.
And so I write this post in part to my future self. So I remember that if when I am on the other side of residency I should meet a resident, to never suggest that residency is only five years long. That it doesn't matter if you never get to spend time with your family. Or get to the gym. Or have a life.
Because it does matter.
These five years matter.
And if you are somebody that has told me that it's only five years long, don't feel bad. I know you were trying to comfort me. It's just that at the moment, these years are feeling rather insufferably long and the only is nowhere to be found.
No real photo to go with this post, so here is a recent one of my cuties (since you probably need a smile after that rant...)
