As a mama to two girls who are growing up fast, I think a lot about how I'm raising them. How I speak to them. What I'm modelling through my own behaviours. How to encourage them to be confident, intelligent and compassionate little girls (and eventually women).
This article discusses the importance our society places on appearance and beauty for women and how this emphasis starts with little girls. I know this. I am aware of beauty advertising and what it tells women and girls. I am also aware of the movement towards a healthy body image, towards the promotion of "real" women in fashion and advertising, and towards loving your body (think Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty).
But I hadn't thought about this:
The author writes: "As I always bite my tongue when I meet little girls, restraining myself from my first impulse, which is to tell them how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/ well-dressed/ well-manicured/ well-coiffed they are."
It's true. As I read the article, I thought "Geez. I am totally guilty of this". That is my first impulse too. Not just with my own girls, but with any little girl I meet or spend time with. My conversation starters with little girls usually involve what they're wearing, their shoes, or their hair, or their accessories.
And I am constantly telling my girls how beautiful they are. How cute they look. How much I like their new shirt/dress/shoes (I do have good taste). How pretty they are.
Is that wrong?
Because they do look stinking cute all the time.
Well, the author of the article, Lisa Bloom, suggests that "Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything".
Oh.
So maybe I've been unintentionally placing too much emphasis on looks. On appearance. On clothing.
Maybe we all have.
The Huffington Post article states that "nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry about being fat. And 25 percent of young American women would rather win America's Next Top Model than the Nobel Peace Prize. Even bright, successful college women say they'd rather be hot than smart."
I don't think that telling my girls they are beautiful is wrong. And the author isn't suggesting that either. She is suggesting that instead of commenting on a little girl's appearance when you first meet her, ask her what book she's reading; generate an "intelligent conversation that respects her brain".
My intentions are not misplaced when I tell my children they are beautiful. They are beautiful. And I want my girls to know that. I want them to have a healthy self-esteem. But I don't want them to be vain or conceited.
I think what I've taken from reading Lisa's article, and musing over it, is that I need to be aware of how much time I spend talking about how my girls look. Because I want them to be valued for so much more than being beautiful. As my girls get older and are more aware of the world around them, as I begin to have real conversations with them, I want them to know that I also think they are smart. That they have good ideas. That I love their imaginations. That I love who they are. That beauty starts on the inside. And the next time I meet a little girl, I'm going to start my conversation with something other than her appearance.
I want my (and all) little girls, to have, as Lisa Bloom said: "A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments."
What about you? Do you start your conversations with little girls like this? Is it different with little boys? I'd love to hear your thoughts!
